Fear is an interesting emotion. It shuts down our brains, hijacks our nervous systems, and stops us in our tracks. And while we may understand the mechanics of what is happening – and even the ancestral why of the whole thing – it doesn’t make much difference in helping us learn better ways of dealing with the stuff that happens in our daily lives. 

There are, of course, the BIG fears we can’t realistically do much about. There are, however, lots and lots of smaller fears that crop up every day – and those are the ones it might be useful to consider. 

For example, there is this drawing I did a few years ago. I was thinking about making a coloring book to sell, and it was COVID days with not much to distract me from my art, so I created a bunch of drawings. The originals sit in a binder because I never got around to selling them. I have gifted copies to a number of people, and I have colored my own copies just to see how well it works. 

All that time, this one original has sat on my art table. There is something about it for me. It has a kind of peaceful beauty that I enjoy returning to, and I like that it sits there serenely observing my other projects. You would think that I would enjoy adding color to it … creating something with more depth and emotion out of the simple black marks that now exist. 

The weird thing is, of all my work, this is the one I am afraid to change! Even though I would just be adding color to a copy, somehow it seems like I might alter the way I see the original one! As if my relationship to the peaceful, serene beauty of the original will somehow be compromised because I am not good enough at what I do to enhance what is already there rather than accidentally detract from it! 

It seems like a small thing … and it is. In the real world of relationships, work, and life in general, though, this is what I see people doing all the time!! We get stuck in work that is unfulfilling, stuck in relationships that were never right, and stuck in trying to figure out how to live in a world that shouts at us all the time. 

Being stuck is part of being afraid. We can’t get out of the cycle of fear long enough to see what our other options might be. Or maybe we stay stuck because we think we are just too (… insert your favorite personal self-criticism here) to make that change happen. Not good enough. Not powerful enough. 

Just know this: you are the one and only person powerful enough to change the things that make you fearful! You are the one and only person powerful enough to recognize all the ways you can contribute to a better you and a better world. I don’t have the answers for how you do that. Each of us has to walk that difficult path for ourselves. My solutions may not work for anyone else. But I do know that we can’t just give in to fear. We can’t just stand on the railroad tracks waiting for the train to smash into us just because fear has hijacked our brains! Because the world that is waiting for us is still the same place it has always been: a place with the potential for wonder and joy and amazing adventures – if we just have the courage to breathe through our fear and see the other options. 

Good luck! Be amazing!

The problem with this strategy is that it keeps us in a box of our own creation – one we don’t even know exists. Because we believe the stories are real, and more importantly, true, we cannot see how much they hinder our growth as compassionate beings. Believing them keeps us safe (or so we think) because the stories give us ways of navigating the challenges that come our way.

But is that true? Think about the stories you tell people about your life: you struggled in school; your parents ignored you; you were not part of the popular crowd; you have been abused/misunderstood. Or perhaps your stories are the pretty ones – but now that you are living an “adult” life and responsible for your own happiness, you struggle to reach those same peaks of joy in a life without the daily attention and admiration of your family and friends.

We all do this. We all carry around stories that shape the way our days unfold. But what if we didn’t? What if we just took a moment, thanked those stories for the lessons they are trying to teach us … and then let them go? What if we asked ourselves why – why we want to define our lives by experiences in our past – and realized that it is all just old nonsense.

If we are fearful people, perhaps we have good reason to be. But, maybe not. If we are socially dependent on others for our sense of self-worth, maybe now is the time to discover the good in ourselves so that we can be our own best friends. If we are angry or unhappy, needy or isolated, maybe we need to think about why we have created experiences that continue to feed those feelings rather than just allow ourselves to experience peace, happiness, or connection with others.

We can change any part of our lives we choose to change. We just have to stop believing in the stories we think define us. It takes courage – and being alright with allowing others to see our vulnerabilities sometimes. But maybe, just maybe, the future will be a wonderful story you never imagined you could create. 

Sometimes, we can feel like the world is just so busy, so full of stuff we have to do that we don’t have time to stop and breathe … or relax … or enjoy. It can be really difficult to look back at the end of a day and remember the little moments of wonder that happened in between all that rushing around being “busy.”

When that happens, it may seem easy to believe that there just weren’t any moments of wonder. Surely you would have noticed, right? But if that were true, then the sheer mountain of drudgery that occurs in every day would be overwhelming! How could we go on? What would be the point?

If that sounds familiar, it is probably because we’ve all been in that place from time to time … the dark room in our mind where we have a hard time believing that any of it is worth the effort of getting out of bed. Days like that are really hard to push past. And if you are like me, it can be all too easy to feel like those are the only days we ever have.

The truth is, though, that there are far more positive or neutral moments in every day than there are bad ones – at least for most of humanity. We just fail to notice or appreciate them. Like uncolored pictures, they fail to register because they are not shouting at us to get our attention. They are just there, waiting patiently for us to notice: the smile a stranger shared with you when you both waited in line for a cup of coffee; the song from your youth that played over the speakers while you were shopping; the sunset that painted everything in shades of pale rose; the grasshopper on your windshield who defied gravity and clung there while your car raced down the road; the warmth of the sun on your cheek as you gathered your belongings at the start of a new day and headed off to work.

So many tiny moments. So many possibilities for wonder. So many opportunities to allow yourself to bring joy into your life by simply stopping, breathing, and noticing the world around you. When you do that, it is like the Universe recognizes your effort and steps up its game! A murmur of birds flashes across the sky. A tree that all year has stood across the street from your house unnoticed suddenly dons its most extravagant wardrobe of copper, bronze, gold, and red. A book that was gifted to you years ago by a friend who you haven’t heard from in years suddenly shows up at the top of a stack on your bedside table.

That’s how life is: full of possibilities. Full of uncolored pictures …. the stories of your life …. just waiting for you to take a moment and make them more vivid by paying attention. What you do with them is up to you. There is no right or wrong to life. There is just how bright you want your light to shine, how colorful you want your life to be. The older you get, the more you will realize that money or fame or power don’t really color in the moments. It really is the small stuff. The stuff you are too busy to notice. That’s the stuff you will wonder about when you are old.

We used to say that people were on fire – but that was a compliment, a way of saying they were doing everything in an amazing way: making great choices, getting optimal results, a model of successful living for the rest of us.

Today, though, it just seems like people on fire are those folks who are so overwhelmed by life’s daily demands that they cannot cope. It all just consumes them until they get lost in their own inability to hold on to even a single moment of success.

IT DOESN’T NEED TO BE THAT WAY.

I’m going to tell you something you may find uncomfortable: the life you are living is full of the choices you have made that put you there. I know. That sounds harsh. Life can feel hard and unfair, and our circumstances are not always ours to control. We were born into the families and lives we have, and that means some people start the game with more. Social media aside, you don’t have to look very hard to find people who seem to have all the advantages – and yet they are miserable. Their lives are shallow and meaningless, and they have no idea what they are capable of because no one asks anything of them. It also isn’t hard to find people at the other end of the spectrum, people who have nothing at all – and yet they see beauty in their world. How can that be?

I believe it is all in a person’s ability to recognize that they still have choices. Not expectations. Not even hopes and dreams, depending on the level of deprivation. You see, unless you are no longer among the living, you still have choices. Everything we do, every choice or decision we make, sets off a cascading set of other choices and decisions – and on and on and on. That’s life. That’s what life is all about. Decisions. Choices.

The sad part, to me, is that we are missing the wonder inherent in such an amazing journey. We worry about the wrong decisions we have made. We worry about how to make sure we make the right decisions next time. What if, instead, we simply made that decision and then followed that path with wonder and joy and acceptance? No worries. No regrets. No what ifs.

Even if you have no possessions, you are not without choices: the choice to smile when someone offers you a kindness. The choice to wonder over a sunset or the gift of food or clothes or a safe place to sleep for a night. The choice to believe that good exists – even when all around you the world looks harsh and unforgiving.

Our choices define our lives. Our decisions set us on paths that bring us every day into moments of wonder and awe. All we have to do is choose to see those moments. That, of course, requires choosing to pay attention. Now. And now. And now. All day, moment after moment. As Jason Mraz says, “Be where your feet are.”

Each day comes a choosing.

Each day a new path.

Will you move up into the light?

Or will you choose a different way?

If you knew that there was

No "right" and no "wrong,"

No "good" and no "bad/evil" ...

Just experiences from which to learn,

Would you then begin

To let yourself bloom?

Would you stop punishing yourself

Or hiding your light?

Seek the Source,

And every choice you make will nourish you.

If you stand always

In the shadow of Strength,

You may be safe ...

But you cannot use

Your own power.

There is beauty

In your dance with life!

Don't linger in shadows

Or let life (LIFE!) pass you by!

What are you waiting for?

Live fully!

Dance!

BE!

On a beautiful seashore

With white sand, turquoise waves,

And a brilliant blue sky.

Is it not the most courageous thing

To wake up each day and go on living?

How very strong you are

To set your feet each day upon the path before you,

And to endeavor to do the very best you can!

To not give up ...

To go on getting up

Each and every day!

Why, precious one,

That is the very essence of Courage!