Is not …. comparing yourself to anyone else. 

Is not …. drowning your hopes and dreams in a constant torrent of negativity, hopelessness, and fear. 

If you are someone who has forgotten how to love yourself, that does not mean you are unlovable! 

If you are someone who thinks you don’t deserve to put your own needs, dreams, and hopes at the top of your priorities, perhaps it is time to ask yourself why you believe that. 

There is nothing … absolutely nothing! … more valuable than recognizing and nourishing the eternally wonderful you! Engaging in genuine self-compassion allows you to offer up to the rest of the world the best version of your Self! 

It’s okay if it takes you a lifetime of self-compassion to let go of all the lies you have believed for so long! It’s a journey worth taking. Trust me. How sad if that truly authentic version of yourself never gets to dance in the sunlight or fly with the birds!

We seem, in this digital age, to spend very little time in contemplation ... in being aware of the world around us and how we engage with it. We feel distracted, stressed, and too busy with the everyday stuff of life to take time to really appreciate it.

For many of us, what is even more sad is that we live our lives on automatic pilot - going about our day in an habitual rather than an intentional way. We barely notice what we eat (or if/when we eat!). At the end of a long day, we can hardly recall what tasks we completed or who we spoke to. It all just merges together into a general sense of disappointment, exhaustion, and a feeling that we are being cheated somehow out of the life we were promised.

The reality, of course, is that we are all living interesting lives. We just don't pay attention and notice.

Even those of us working dull, mindless jobs have endless tiny opportunities each and every day to discover moments of joy, gratitude, wonder, and awe: marveling over the rainbows in a puddle on an otherwise dreary day; realizing that the woman next to you on your way to work is wearing the exact color and style of sweater your grandmother used to wear - and feeling that tiny warmth in your heart at the memory; smelling the fragrance of brewing coffee or pastries as you step into a coffee shop for your own cup of java; listening to the laughter of children as you pass them on the playground; seeing the silliness in the play of squirrels or the squabbling of sparrows.

Even paying attention only "now and then" can change your mindset and help you reach the end of a day with a feeling of satisfaction instead of depression. The great news is also that each time you bring your attention back to NOW, you teach yourself how to do it more often. The more living intentionally becomes easy, the more joy you can find in your life.

Every moment is a gift - an invitation from the Universe to really BE HERE in your life. Will you accept the gift?

It always takes me by surprise when someone comments on how their life is going nowhere or they feel lost and without a "purpose" or confused about why they are here. Not that I haven't felt that way myself at times! I have, but it happens to me so rarely anymore that I forget that such concerns are at the forefront of many people's attention.

How did I find a way out of that kind of "down the rabbit hole" thinking and worrying? Well ... getting older helps, I think. Being able to look back and see all the ways that what I thought were random, unrelated events actually conspired to bring me to where I am now. It also makes it easier to let go of the plans I had for where I wanted to be and what I thought I wanted to do with my life - none of which, by the way, have come to pass!

More important than just getting older, however, is the value I can now place on being more attentive to my life. I don't try so hard anymore to force the world to create itself around my wants and desires. I don't think much about whether I am fulfilling my purpose or doing "enough" or being enough. It was all just - for me, anyway - a waste of time and a way to feel bad almost all the time.

Instead, I spend my time engaged with whatever I happen to be doing: if I am cooking, then I am cooking with my attention on that primarily. The same for any other activity, from driving to brushing my teeth, from visiting with people to taking walks by myself. I am, essentially, learning to be in the moment for as many moments of my day as I can. It is surprisingly lovely: peaceful and calming and relaxing - even when what I am doing requires focus or skill or I am under pressure of a timeline.

I know. It sounds difficult, especially when most days our lives are so overwhelmingly full of a million little tasks that must be completed - not to mention all the "news" that assaults us everywhere we go! It may feel impossible at times, but the sooner we all recognize that we still have a choice in every single moment to pay attention rather than constantly trying to multi-task, then the sooner we will be able to regain some control over our lives. It is so essential to admit to ourselves that the life we are now living is a choice! If we hate it, we can change it! Not driving ourselves to the point of exhaustion or depression is also a choice! We like to think we have no options - but that is never ever the case. Every day, every moment, every decision or action we take is based on a choice. Why not make those choices truly conscious ones?

It doesn't have to happen all at once. It doesn't have to be perfect. There isn't even a "right way" that has to be followed! It just involves reminding ourselves now and then that what we are doing right now is the most important thing. One way might be to start observing how a day can be filled with seemingly random events/activities, each of which brought us in some way to where we are now. Those random events were the sum of one day. Hopefully, a day you can look back on and decide was a nice day. We don't have to save the world every day! We don't have to be anyone's superhero every day! We just need to be ourselves - part of the randomness that creates more randomness that ... somehow .... inexplicably but deliciously turns into a life we can look back on with contentment.

What if we focused, instead, on being attentive to each of those moments? Really tasted the food we eat rather than eating while we are multi-tasking or passively watching media? What if we put down our phones and really listened to - and responded to - the people we are with? What if, when we walk, we take out our earbuds and listen to the sounds of the world around us? What if, whatever we are doing, we actually do that thing mindfully rather than letting our mind be somewhere else, wishing for some other activity or worrying or just being dissatisfied?

Would we find that we remembered more of each day as being positive rather than categorizing it as stressful, boring, unpleasant (or any other negative description)? Would we be able to change our attitude and find that we actually enjoy the day-to-day activities that take up the bulk of our day?  Do we want our lives to be simply a collection of highs and lows - which surely only consist of a tiny percentage of our entire existence!

After all, there is no reason why gardening, doing laundry, cooking meals, commuting, minding our children, sitting in a meeting or classroom - or anything else - should be considered better or worse than another activity, right? They are all part of our lives. They are all the little moments that we engage in but fail to appreciate or even notice. 

I believe that part of the issue is a focus on "happiness" rather than on "contentment" - for they are not at all the same thing. Happiness is a fleeting thing, ephemeral and dependent on outside circumstances much of the time. Contentment, to me, is an inner state of being - a way of existing in the world so that you are at peace with yourself regardless of what the circumstances are around you. By tuning in to all the moments in a day, perhaps we can learn to find contentment and stop running after the elusive and ever-changing idea of "happiness." 

Sometimes, we grow up learning to fear the world around us - 

And we think that we must fight against everything

That might cause us pain.

We fear anything that is different without ever asking ourselves why.

When the fear becomes too much

(and it will, even if we refuse to acknowledge it),

Perhaps, it might serve us better

To seek out the dark, silent places

Where the noise of the world cannot intrude.

Where we can learn to trust the stillness, the silence,

The truth of just letting go of all that useless fear

About all the misplaced parts of your life:

All the strange beliefs, dreams, goals,

And experiences that have gone into

The making of "you"?

Sometimes, I think of my life as a witch's brew

Bubbling away ... and now and again

Some raggedy old crone comes along,

Stirs it up, and drops in an eye of newt or a dragon tooth

Or something else remarkably strange,

And then she wanders off with a chuckle ...

Leaving me to try to figure out what, exactly,

I am supposed to be turning into.

When life's experiences

Have given you all the labels

And taken them back again ...

When you are left with only

The raw materials that are "you" ...

Only then will your life truly become your own creation.

No mother/father, no daughter/son/child,

No laborer title to identify with.

Ah, such freedom! Such release!

Without labels, there are no expectations.

Without expectations, we can simply exist

In that blissful moment of being-ness

Into which we were born.

From there, the horizon is infinite

And we, at last, experience union

With the Universe around us.

Life is a chessboard - 

Very complex, with many ways to move, many choices. 

Sometimes, it is in being the pawn - 

In standing still and accepting - 

That we have the best chance 

To view the beauty and vastness of the Universe. 

We do not need to know all the moves - 

Or even to see all the other players in the game - 

In order to accept the value 

Of our own contribution.

Do not be drawn in. 

In each moment, you have a choice. 

Choose to stand within the perfect circle of peace. 

Slow your breath, calm your heart, still your mind ... 

And feel the presence of Universal Love surround you

And fill you with serenity.

Just believe in your self. In the truth and perfection of the you that existed before all the negative feedback you have received. In the wonder of being a human being capable of love, acceptance, compassion, wonder, and joy; of pain, sorrow, grief, anger, and depression. All of it.

We need the bad stuff to help us appreciate the good stuff! All the Eastern philosophy that encourages us to appreciate the darkness as well as the lightness within ourselves – that is pretty good advice. Try finding a place within yourself to feel gratitude for that crappy thing that just made you cry. Let go of being angry (again!) when someone “wrongs” you. These are all just the stuff of life.

Your Self knows none of it matters. Your Self knows that the wonder and beauty of being alive exist in every moment – and that all it takes for you to know it, too, is simply to believe. Let go of all the other stuff (especially the worrying about things in the past/future). Appreciate now. Appreciate you.

Believe in your perfectly imperfect, amazingly wonderful, delightfully unique and quirky Self.